Happy Friday! Today’s post is by my dear blogging friend Paula from Simply Sandwich I am so happy to have Paula guest posting on Simply Diane today while I work on a few things and Heidi takes care of some business and gets ready to welcome her students back for a new school year. I will be back next week and hopefully Heidi will too. Plus, Heidi and I just might have an announcement for you very soon. So stay tuned! Now, let’s welcome Paula and enjoy her very funny summertime boredom buster post.
Bring It by Paula
Summertime is well past the mid-point and I now have to stand on my head to dream up activities to avoid the annual “I’m bored” shrieks. This can only mean one thing; I have to bring out the big guns. It is not pretty, but it is time to revive the not so friendly miniature golf tournament with Kidlet2. My son and I have been competing in mini golf for several years and have created some rituals to this event, which I know are not included in any golfing manuals. They actually seem more like that crazy I Love Lucy golfing episode than an enjoyable golf game.
Before heading out to the course, the smack talk begins. References to crying, having no athletic ability and complete embarrassment are the highlights. Kidlet2 started this summer sassy session by shoving a ginormous box of tissues in my purse claiming that I would need the entire box to wipe up my loser tears. Hmmph!
Our first order of business for the tournament of doom friendly golf game was to lay down a few ground rules, especially regarding hole number three, otherwise known as, “The Ant Hill”. I am sure you have seen one like it; the hole is in the center of a raised mound of Astroturf with a thin bridge leading to the mound. If the ball does not safely roll on the bridge, it.is.over. There is no amount of skill that will allow you to get back up to the moundy hole. We have to establish a “cap” on the number of strokes for The Ant Hill or else a score-adding calculator is required, not to mention the stress factor caused by the line of gazing, toe-tapping mini golfers waiting on us.
The next step is to name the colored balls some ferocious title so that the scorecard looks legit, not just “Mom” and “Kid”. Since my ball was bright red, I named it “Ball o’ Lava”. Pretty scary right? That lets everyone know that I am gonna burn up that little course. Kidlet2 had a green ball and named his “Oak of Death”. Huh? Yeah, the golf course is surrounded by oak trees, which are green. *Ahem*..I was sooo going to win this!
With the ground rules established, we were ready to begin the battle. We were neck and neck in until we got to The Ant Hill. Luckily, Ball o’ Lava cooperated and stayed on the little bridge, making it into the hole with a couple of strokes. Oak of Death was not blessed by the golfing gods and was forced to take the “cap” number of strokes. Bwwaaaahaaaaaa! That put me in the lead for the rest of the game and I won that round.
In the next game, I was not so fortunate. Ball o’ Lava rolled up and down The Ant Hill causing me to flail around and eventually take the “cap” score. Then Oak of Death made a hole in one! Uh oh…this could be a problem. I had a couple of other ridiculous attempts challenges on the course including some act-of-nature interference otherwise known as, “I landed in the planter”. Yes, I lost that round.
Now ready for the tiebreaker, we stepped up to the first hole, donning our Olympian skills. Just as we began the game, a boy who was at the course alone, asked if he could join us. Of course, we could not say no. We explained the ball naming ritual, (hoping that would scare him off) identified ourselves as Ball o’ Lava and Oak of Death and asked what he wanted his scary, fierce ball name to be. “Ruben” he announced.
Long and embarrassing story short, Ruben cleaned our clocks and won the game by several points. Kidlet2 and I decided that because Ruben horned in the game, the championship title match must be postponed. Ball ‘o Lava and Oak of Death will duke it out again soon because I just cannot rest until I am wearing the summer mini golf champ crown! Wish me luck!